Is It Worth It?

March Break had come to an end and all I did were four things: eat, sleep, homework and study. Thank goodness to the a few hours of TV or else I would have melted under the pressure! And believe me, two tests, of which I'm not too confident about, in a row with only a day to separate them...that's what I'll definitely call pressure!

After I got off the bus from school today, I saw a couple, hand in hand, walking from the direction of the library towards the neighbourhood shopping mall. It was a close friend of mine and her boyfriend. I didn't walk over, nor did I called for her attention - I just walked on the other side of the road, pretending to have not seen them. It's not nice to interrupt their sweetness! As I walked home, I smiled and wished them eternal happiness.

It's actually a very fortunate thing to be able to be with the person you like, if not love. I, unfortunately, don't have that opportunity. You may find it silly, but I never thought of telling him how I felt. Instead, I fear that if I told him, our friendship would end. I just don't want to him say, "I'm sorry, but I only thought of you as a friend. Nothing more." If he does (and I'm pretty sure he would), I know that I won't have the courage to face him ever again and I'll definitely avoid him. Perhaps you will think of me as a coward, but who's to judge? I don't mind him not knowing about it. Although I'm able to maintain our friendship, is the pain really worth it?

Currently, the songs: "Insufficient Love," "Why Did I Fall in Love with You?" and "Rainy Night" all describe how I've been feeling all this time. "Insufficient Love" always makes me cry. I guess it's because of the "let go" part!

I actually summed up a lot of courage to include this post in my blog. I hope that I won't regret for ever posting this entry in the future. If I do, I'm pretty sure that I will not just remove this post, I might even remove my entire blog or worse yet, close my account. I just hope that day will never come.