Song of the Week!

Here's a short trip down memory lane! This week's song is "This I Promise You" by *NSYNC! I'm pretty sure this song will bring back memories, especially for those from the 90's!

Hope you'll like the pick of the week!

Temporary Normality...

With an apology, things seems to be back to "normal." I'm not sure for how long this normality would continue, or how soon the next outburst is. All I hope for is stability so I can continue to fully concentrate on my studies. Besides, I'm sick and tired from all the drama. I only want peace and quiet, if that's not too much to ask for...

It Doesn't Make Any Sense...

Just now, mom called me in to have a "talk" of which started with "What are you going to say to me? Are you going to apologize?" Through our little talk, I learned that I'm the one who made her tell me to move out, that I'm the one who made her say "You're no longer my daughter" to me. Does this make any sense at all?!

Seriously, I don't get her. With my obvious frustration over the topic and from what happened last night, I didn't bother to "appear" polite and mask whatever's in my mind. So, the talk didn't end nicely, with her constantly saying that I was rude to her and that I'm the one who wants to move out. How ironic! I don't even know what's right and what's wrong in this picture anymore - I can't even think logically for the time being. Furthermore, I don't even care if I'll continue to live with her. My only concern is that I have a roof to live under and a bed to sleep on (but then again, the floor doesn't seem that bad either).

What am I supposed to do? I'm really confused. Should I go back in there and apologize for things I didn't do? Maybe I should. After all, she's still my mother. But somehow, it doesn't feel right...

How Much More Can I Stand?

Mom was yelling at me just now. I don't know how much more I can stand, or how much more would give me a nervous breakdown. I'm trying so hard to hang on, but slowly I'm loosing grip. I've thought of moving out, I really have. The only thing that's stopping me is the thought of mom being all by herself from then on, without anyone around to help her or to take care of her.

Problem is, her temper is something I'm trying really hard to withstand, to tolerate. All I'm hoping is to survive all this til the very end, when she's really old - too old to yell at me.

Will I make it? Will I collapse before I'm there? Or will I give up in the middle? Only time will tell...

Do I Really Deserve This?

As usual, mom's yelling at me again, and to add more pain, my head is pounding right now. So much has been in my mind lately, and her yellings aren't doing much for me - except giving me more pain. I have several worries about school, financial stability and everything in between. Now, I'm going to add more stuffing to my already-congested mind with worries related to moving out and renting my own place. I feel like the boy who cried wolf right now. It's not the first time I've complained about this and my wanting to move out, and yet I still stayed with her. It's useless to complain - I know - but there's no way I'll last for 6 months on my own.

Regretting my past decisions, I'm trying so hard to hang on and not even sure when I'll loose my grip. It's so hard to breathe right now and tears are rolling down my cheeks (from headache and this) while typing this entry...

(Sigh) Finally, silence... Maybe I'll have some peace of mind now...