Too Many Questions, Too Much Time!

Man, it's 5am and I'm still wide awake. Despite my fatigue, I don't feel like sleeping. Food is now an option and each day is passing by ever so slowly. I'm quite aware of my upset lifestyle, and I'm pretty sure it's not that bad. Besides, it'll change by the time school starts...

The store is no longer "managerless" because the new manager is starting today. Everyone else is scheduled with her throughout the week - except me. As usual, I'm lazying around at home while everyone else are doing their best to leave a good impression with her. Would they, while performing a great show, express how awful I am? I'd seriously die of laughter if I end up introducing myself by Christmas. Would I last that long? Or would my existence be meaningless by then? How would she schedule me? Would she give me the chance? Or would she be filled with irritation from the first sight of me? Who knows!

I am scared, but I'd rather have them answered than to wait like this. The sooner I find out, the better. Besides, this isn't something I can control - might as well accept reality.

Something New!!

Yesterday, I had my first math class and it didn't seem that bad, at least for now. The teacher seemed pretty nice and we were dismissed half an hour early. Although I was exhausted by the time I came home, I was able to do (part of) my homework and arrive to my 8:30am class on time!

So, what's this new thing I'm adding to this blog? It's called "Song of the Week!" Every Wednesday, I'll post a song here and share it with everyone...at least that's what I plan to. There might be times when the same song is labeled as the "Song of the Week" for two or more consecutive weeks (I do have a busy class schedule and will have lots of homework!). So please bear with me!

The first Song of the Week is Linkin Park's "Leave Out All the Rest." I was listening to music while I was doing on my homework last night (a habit I developed during high school) and this song caught my immediate attention (to an extent where I was humming it while travelling to school).

Hope you like it! Enjoy!

P.S. Pay close attention to its lyrics - it's actually the main reason why I chose it as the Song of the Week!

A New Haircut!

Yes, I got another haircut and this time, it's slightly different from the one I had two months ago!

It was quite last minute as I got it cut yesterday when the salon was about to close. Mom loved it and said it looked great on me. (What mother wouldn't say that anyways?) I thought so myself too until I saw my reflection this morning. Maybe it's because (in my mind) it looked similar to the hairstyle Teresa wore last year. Either way, I think I look hideous with it.

For now, I'll just keep in mind that my hair would grow back and might look different by then...or take a picture of myself and see if my closest friend likes it too (though I do have doubts).

An hour and forty-five minutes before my next class....

An Escape from My Past

Last night, I was on the phone with a friend. From her, I found out that she got accepted to Ryerson University! I'm so happy for her and hopefully she does well there!!

During our half-hour conversation, I mentioned about my eagerness to move to a new home (with mom of course) and away from Malvern at the very least. It's not only from the stuff that happens in this neighbourhood (that sort of stuff can happen practically anywhere), or the fact that our suite is too small for us to live in. I just want to escape to a neighbourhood where the people living there don't know who I am and better yet, have no idea of my past. Here in Malvern I'm pretty well-known, but in a negative way. Most of those who know me (minus my friends) only think of me as the girl who's (rumoured to) like so-and-so, who's completely mental, or this and that... and to tell the truth, I'm sick of it.

Those kinds of titles block people from knowing me as a person and who I am today. Yes, I admit it. I have done all sorts of crazy things, but that doesn't mean I won't change and become a different person. People around me have no idea how much it hurts to be known as something that came directly from one's past or how much it hurts when I hear the familiar phrase, "Oh! Isn't that the girl who..." or "Isn't she..." I didn't want it to be that way. It just so happens that the events turned me to that direction. It's not like I wanted to be different and stand out above the crowd. I don't care about being noticed - I never have and never will!

Perhaps that's the reason why I'm so relieved (and happy) that I'm now studying in an environment where no one will look at me under that light and will only know me as who I am today.

I know that moving will not solve anything, but for me, it seems like the only solution. It's not like I could change people's thoughts about me, and even if I could, I don't have the patience to wait for that day to come. However, that doesn't mean I'll be able to move anytime soon. Finding a new home is a long process, especially when you're trying to find the right one. I suppose I'll just have to wait patiently and see how things will unfold for me in the future...

One thing's for sure: the bonds between myself and my friends will not break despite the distance. Perhaps they will become stronger...who knows?

New Blog Coming Soon!

Right now, I'm considering to create another blog under the same name: Starless.Night! Don't worry, I will post the link when it's ready! So, stay tuned!!