Work has been stressful lately. This morning, I surprised myself by sighing so much while getting ready. I've become really cautious to not make any mistakes in fear of termination. Like today, I made a mistake while stocking merchandise. I was really scared that my co-worker would complain about me when I felt frustration from her (or was I being too sensitive?).
I feel so hopeless with my single weekly shifts and constant worries that I'll get terminated before I find a new job. Am I over-thinking or would it become reality?
Mom hasn't been much help either. She constantly rants about work for hours almost every time she comes home, adding more stress and frustration on me. She even said that I deserve the stuff from work in one of her scoldings.
I feel so depressed that I've lost my appetite (which isn't a good sign). Would there be an end to my misery?
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Post-Performance Review Shift
As mentioned in A Negative Performance Evaluation, I was given a shift (on Thursday) to show "improvement." The night before, I was extremely stressed about it and constantly reminded myself to do exceptionally well or else I'll lose my job. At work, I was given a task to reprice an entire section of figurines according to a huge list. At first, I stared in awe and thought "I must finish this FAST!" Things fell and eventually one broke. Although I didn't get penalized, the broken figurine acted as a wake-up call. I shouldn't rush like that. Instead, I should do it at my regular pace and that's what I did. I ignored everyone around me and didn't greet customers like I usually did. Eventually, the section was complete and worked on another task. Soon, my shift was over and got feedback. I was told that I did a good job, concentrated on my given task and blah, blah crap.
I'll still be closely watched in upcoming shifts and if anything happens, I'll be damned for sure. I guess I should be more relaxed about it, knowing what's really going on (of which I'm too lazy to describe, for now at least). According to mom (and it's a bit obvious), they're searching for an excuse to rid me. If I do get terminated, they'll loose a diligent employee.
Meanwhile, I'll continue job-hunting and earn as much as I can before school starts. I guess I should keep my hopes up.
I'll still be closely watched in upcoming shifts and if anything happens, I'll be damned for sure. I guess I should be more relaxed about it, knowing what's really going on (of which I'm too lazy to describe, for now at least). According to mom (and it's a bit obvious), they're searching for an excuse to rid me. If I do get terminated, they'll loose a diligent employee.
Meanwhile, I'll continue job-hunting and earn as much as I can before school starts. I guess I should keep my hopes up.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
A Negative Performance Evaluation
It's only hours since the appointment, but somehow my memory seems so blurry. Am I trying to avoid it or am I not ready to evaluate the discussion? Whatever the reason, this is what happened...
While getting ready, there was an instant when I wanted to bail. However, after a final thought, I quickly made my way there. It turned out to be a performance evaluation and a bucket of negative comments was thrown in my face. I wasn't productive enough and didn't contribute as much as I should to the store. There were also complaints from my co-workers regarding my poor performance and how frustrated they were with me. Apparently, they didn't tell me directly to my face because they "weren't in the position to do so." Nonetheless, the performance review acted as, like strike one in baseball, a first warning. If my performance doesn't improve, there will be another talk (strike two) and a final one with someone from head office, of which would lead to immediate termination. In the end, I was told that I'm given a single shift to show immediate improvement or else a second warning will fall. Is one shift really enough to show anything of any kind? What should I do? Can anyone tell me?
It's sad that, instead of giving me honest critiques, they decided to complain about me and have it all thrown at my face like this. We occasionally joke with each other, but this is what they did behind my back. Am I really that bad? Should I start fresh with a new job or continue to struggle to keep this one? What can be done?
While getting ready, there was an instant when I wanted to bail. However, after a final thought, I quickly made my way there. It turned out to be a performance evaluation and a bucket of negative comments was thrown in my face. I wasn't productive enough and didn't contribute as much as I should to the store. There were also complaints from my co-workers regarding my poor performance and how frustrated they were with me. Apparently, they didn't tell me directly to my face because they "weren't in the position to do so." Nonetheless, the performance review acted as, like strike one in baseball, a first warning. If my performance doesn't improve, there will be another talk (strike two) and a final one with someone from head office, of which would lead to immediate termination. In the end, I was told that I'm given a single shift to show immediate improvement or else a second warning will fall. Is one shift really enough to show anything of any kind? What should I do? Can anyone tell me?
It's sad that, instead of giving me honest critiques, they decided to complain about me and have it all thrown at my face like this. We occasionally joke with each other, but this is what they did behind my back. Am I really that bad? Should I start fresh with a new job or continue to struggle to keep this one? What can be done?
Monday, July 26, 2010
What Can I Do Now?
Since my manager left, I've only been given a single 4 hour shift on Sundays and it's definitely not what I want. I've already changed my availability to show that I'm able to work throughout the week, but still no change. I've spoken to my assistant manager twice that I wanted more shifts, but she just used petty excuses and lies like "not enough hours to share" when my co-worker had at least 12 hours that week, and "not experienced enough to be on the floor," but seriously, how am I able to improve when I'm not even given the chance to? And now she scheduled an appointment to speak with me tomorrow. About what? I really have no clue. It could be a performance evaluation, or an opportunity to fire me. I don't know and it's really bothering me... What can I do now?
Monday, June 28, 2010
My First Autograph!
Two weeks ago, HK producer/songwriter/singer, Pong Nan, visited Toronto to perform at NTSA 
(New Talent Singing Awards). Weeks before his performance, I heard about his promotional visit to Market Village and there I was when he came. I took some pictures, but not a whole lot, since mom kept nudging me to prevent me from taking any more because I would "run out of space." Nonetheless, here's a picture of him singing and another one of him signing autographs below.
Even though he smiled at the audience, I couldn't help noticing some sort of sadness in his eyes - even his smiles seemed teary too. Perhaps he was tired from the long flight (which is about 22 hours), but he still seemed depressed when he performed at the awards the next day. Maybe something upsetting happened... Who knows?
(New Talent Singing Awards). Weeks before his performance, I heard about his promotional visit to Market Village and there I was when he came. I took some pictures, but not a whole lot, since mom kept nudging me to prevent me from taking any more because I would "run out of space." Nonetheless, here's a picture of him singing and another one of him signing autographs below.
Even though he smiled at the audience, I couldn't help noticing some sort of sadness in his eyes - even his smiles seemed teary too. Perhaps he was tired from the long flight (which is about 22 hours), but he still seemed depressed when he performed at the awards the next day. Maybe something upsetting happened... Who knows?
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