An Escape from My Past

Last night, I was on the phone with a friend. From her, I found out that she got accepted to Ryerson University! I'm so happy for her and hopefully she does well there!!

During our half-hour conversation, I mentioned about my eagerness to move to a new home (with mom of course) and away from Malvern at the very least. It's not only from the stuff that happens in this neighbourhood (that sort of stuff can happen practically anywhere), or the fact that our suite is too small for us to live in. I just want to escape to a neighbourhood where the people living there don't know who I am and better yet, have no idea of my past. Here in Malvern I'm pretty well-known, but in a negative way. Most of those who know me (minus my friends) only think of me as the girl who's (rumoured to) like so-and-so, who's completely mental, or this and that... and to tell the truth, I'm sick of it.

Those kinds of titles block people from knowing me as a person and who I am today. Yes, I admit it. I have done all sorts of crazy things, but that doesn't mean I won't change and become a different person. People around me have no idea how much it hurts to be known as something that came directly from one's past or how much it hurts when I hear the familiar phrase, "Oh! Isn't that the girl who..." or "Isn't she..." I didn't want it to be that way. It just so happens that the events turned me to that direction. It's not like I wanted to be different and stand out above the crowd. I don't care about being noticed - I never have and never will!

Perhaps that's the reason why I'm so relieved (and happy) that I'm now studying in an environment where no one will look at me under that light and will only know me as who I am today.

I know that moving will not solve anything, but for me, it seems like the only solution. It's not like I could change people's thoughts about me, and even if I could, I don't have the patience to wait for that day to come. However, that doesn't mean I'll be able to move anytime soon. Finding a new home is a long process, especially when you're trying to find the right one. I suppose I'll just have to wait patiently and see how things will unfold for me in the future...

One thing's for sure: the bonds between myself and my friends will not break despite the distance. Perhaps they will become stronger...who knows?