An End to My Lab Kit Problem?

Yesterday, friend E asked me to lend him my lab kit and this time, I said no...

I made that decision days before. I just couldn't stand it anymore, even thinking about it makes me pissed. Of course, to prevent him from going into my locker and "borrowing" it (which is stealing, but I'm assuming that he'll put it back after each use - a stupid assumption, but oh well..), I changed my lock.

When I rejected his request, he asked again, but I didn't budge. He questioned whether I trusted him or not and all I said was, "I've reached my limit and you have mine. I've had enough." About this time, the next class started to enter the classroom and he (quickly) went to a friend. I didn't bother to stick around and left the classroom. Whatever their conversation was about obviously didn't grant him a lab kit because he asked for it at my locker and questioned once again if I trusted him. Without saying a word, I closed my locker and chatted with a few friends about the experiment. By the time our conversation ended, friend E still sat on the hallway perpendicular to my locker and was late for his next class.

As I went downstairs to the cafeteria, I started to feel bad and more or less guilty. It felt like I wasn't helping a friend in need. A part of me knew I was doing the right thing, but why does it have to feel like this? To be engulfed with guilt? I resisted my every nerve from travelling upstairs to check up on him because I knew I would suffer from indescribable consequences if I do. I told myself to stay strong and endured the overwhelming guilt.

I forced myself to think of more practical worries: my partnership with him in Organic Chemistry labs. I still have to work with him as partners and it would be fairly impossible to switch with someone. I started to wonder how I would record his observations, as the experiment is often split between partners to save time. With this conflict, I couldn't imagine how our partnership will turn out and more importantly, this could be the end of our friendship.

It's too late to worry now. I've already made this move, and there's no turning back. I'll just have to take everything as it comes, even if it means all at once!